I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
