there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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