This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
