Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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