I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
