i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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