my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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