im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
