I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
