i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
