im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
