cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
