He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
