i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
