For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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