They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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