You work out of a Hotel?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
