If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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