I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
