if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
it's great music for shaving your balls
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
