I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
