he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
