wrigley field is MILF paradise
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
