you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
