We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
