Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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