i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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