It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My ass is underappreciated
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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