I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
