My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
