she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
