then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
