i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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