yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
