im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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