mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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