i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
