Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
where does the pee come out of this thing
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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