I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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