A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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