god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
