peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
