Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
