I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i think i just lost a toe
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
