She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
