im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
