You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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