Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
