SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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