He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
