I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
